Why Search?

  I just finished reading Siddhartha and was reminded how the point in life is not to search. The point in life is not to condemn, nor attempt to find enlightenment in some distant corner of the Earth. The point is there is no point- just be, just feel, just experience, become.
  Siddhartha is a fictional (?) character who was born in India during the time of Gotama the Buddha. In his life he moves from being the son of an esteemed Brahmin, to an aesthetic, to a rich man indulging in the sensory pleasures of life, finally to a wise sage ferryman along the sacred river banks. He met the Buddha and found no satisfaction in his teachings and continued on his way, learning about different aspects of existence by living them fully.
   Eventually, he becomes enlightened by hearing the roaring of the river merging into the sound of the eternal OM. In that moment, he saw all of his experiences, the good, bad and everything in between appearing before his eyes, and subsequently merging into the next experience, in total unison. In that moment, he saw the Oneness of all of life behind all of the different realities he had lived in his one small lifetime.
   Siddhartha questioned himself every step of the way. When he was a child, he found offerings to the Gods useless so he left his father to become a renunciate in the forest. After torturing his body for many years with intense fasting, enduring laying on beds of thorns, and other bodily mortifications, he abandoned that life to become a man of the world. He found a lover, Kamala, and became a man with fancy clothes and riches. Eventually, that too became meaningless to him and he left the world of comfort to become a simple man in the forest once again. During that time he lived with a ferryman named Govinda who taught him to listen deeply. Not only to listen but to receive deeply. He would sit for hours at a time in silence, listening to the stories the river had to tell. In the end, he recognized that all experiences served the Divine purpose of helping him wake up different aspects of himself, which eventually led him to a single moment of synchronicity which many call self realization.
  Had he not had all of these different experiences, he would not have been able to recognize that all experiences are Divine in nature. He would not have been able to realize that all experiences merge into one single point. The resounding, constant, never ending roar of OM. The sound that has been designated from time immemorial to represent all of existence and the love that backs it all.
   I relate to Siddhartha deeply. Sometimes I find myself questioning many of my choices that I have made in my 31 years. The critic comes in and says, " You would be a better person if..." or , "You would be more advanced at yoga if..." or, "You should be embarrassed because..." and the nay-sayer goes on and on. I have questioned so much of what I have experienced and wondered so much as to what purpose these experiences have served.
   I have condemned, and also delighted in the crazy shit I have done. I have felt utter embarrassment, fear of rejection to the point of deep buried silence which lies dormant. I have excused away very strong impulses because they didn't seem to fit with the reality I was in. I have in the same breath felt intense joy, feelings of enlightenment, which always fade. I have had moments of feeling total love, emanating from within myself and also from other beings that have been on the path too. I have partied too much, worked too hard, loved way too deeply for self preservation. I have squandered all of my money too many times to count. I have travelled places because of having one vibrant dream at night, woken up, bought a plane ticket, and flung myself into those experiences because I have always felt deep within, despite logical fears, that there is nothing to lose.
  There is nothing to lose. Beyond all of the questioning, there is a very deep inner knowing that all is perfection. All occurrences have been in perfect timing. When I reflect on the encounters and experiences in this lifetime and others I see the perfection of it all. I see how one experience merges into another, guiding me much like the river guides a leaf downstream towards the vast and immeasurable sea.
 I have procrastinated to the point of deeply irritating the people closest to me. I have been a classic underachieving, brilliant fucking light in this world, often wandering, but absolutely never lost.
 Nothing is ever lost. It cannot be. Even with death, no loss is incurred.
  Life to me, and my limited but ancient perspective is purposeless. Goalless. Even enlightenment need not be strived for. How can something that happens in perfect timing ever be controlled or harnessed, or worked toward? Read the ancient stories of the ones who have crossed the bank of separation to total oneness and it is always the same. They finally gave up searching and it arrived. They finally let go of the goal and it landed on their laps. They surrendered to the perfection of the flow of the river of life, and it took them.
  This deep feeling has perhaps led me astray in the realm of worldly achievements. It has perhaps under motivated me to do anything other than what I absolutely want to do in that moment, and that is the freedom that only a few on this Earth possess. It is not for everyone, this path, but everyone has their path, and that is the joy of being alive. No one needs to follow the footsteps of anyone else. I am not enlightened and have no idea when that moment will occur. I am not chasing it. Even my yoga practice is not aimed particularly at enlightenment. I do it because it PULLS me towards it. I have heard a great man (Tony Robbins) once say," Being drawn isn't enough- you have to be PULLED." Only that is enough. Whatever the circumstance, if we can trust the silent pull of our heart and Highest Intuition, we will reach the goalless goal. We are all headed there, but it's up to you, let go, or be dragged.
Love. Is all.
Love.

12 Poses to Awaken Manipura Chakra: Third Chakra Attunement

The third chakra, known as manipura chakra in Sanskrit, is energetically located in the solar plexus region of the body. Manipura translates as: city of jewels, or jeweled abode. It is the chakra associated with will power, determination, and manifestation. Manipura is governed by the element of fire, and is represented by the color yellow. It shines like the light of a million suns with resplendent prana (life force energy), and helps circulate prana throughout the entire body and energetic system.
When the chakra is in balance,  it is associated with having a strong digestive fire (known as agni), the ability to assimilate life, and digest ones' emotions with ease. With a balanced manipura, one feels empowered to create the life they want to live through the power of personal intention, goal setting, and follow up action which, if karmically is in the cards, leads to manifestation of the intended outcome.
Motivation to act outwardly is governed by this chakra, so if you ever wonder why you don't feel like getting on your yoga mat some days, a deficiency of energy in this chakra is possibly contributing! This is where will power comes in, if the chakra is strong it is effortless "To will what you want," with very little effort, but if there is a deficiency of energy, one will feel exhausted even thinking about standing up to get a snack, let alone writing a business plan, or doing a yoga practice! An energy deficiency in a chakra basically means that prana is not flowing evenly into the chakra, and it is closed off to some degree. This is usually associated with emotional holding patterns, often stifled internalized emotions such as resentment, or lack of motivation for fear of failure, and the governing area will even feel cold to the touch. This is when a little determination comes in and draws upon willpower to get up and do it anyway, knowing the positive benefits of doing what one loves can bring, one roots into intention to call themselves into action.
When the chakra has an excessive amount of energy pooling in it, it is associated with excessive pride, egotism, anger, and power struggles with self and others (read fear of letting go of control). This can lead to trying to force things to happen from a place of "power over" rather than "co-creation with." An excess of energy in a chakra basically means there is too much energy in that area, which is "stealing" from other neighboring chakras, creating an imbalance to the entire energetic system. An over energized manipura can lead to powering over rather than working with others, over achievement at the cost of self and others, and fear of loss of control.
This sequence is designed to clear and balance the third chakra, so you may feel the strength of intention and manifestation energy that arises from manipura.
 Before practicing this sequence, warm up with four-five rounds of Surya Namaskar A. A great video of this can be found on youtube, "Maria Villella: Surya Namaskar A of Ashtanga Yoga." Also be sure to utilize Ujjayi Pranayama, victorious breath for the duration of this practice.

1.  Utkatasana: Fierce Pose 
    From Equal Standing Pose, Samastitihi, inhale, bend your knees, circle your arms overhead and join the palms together. Reach your hands straight up and squeeze your forearms together. If your neck is healthy, tip your throat up and arch your head back so you are gazing at your thumbs. Squeeze your knees and ankles together. Draw your low belly back towards your spine and reach your pubic bone towards your navel. Hold for ten Ujjayi breaths gazing up and back. To release, inhale, straighten your knees, stand up tall, keep your arms overhead and lift your ribs away from your pelvis. Exhale, hinge from your hips and swan dive forward into Standing Forward Fold.

2. Phalakasana Kriya: Plank Pose with Core Cleansing Practice
   From Standing Forward Fold, inhale, roll into halfway lift, elongate your spine from the low back up thought the crown of the head. Bend your knees and place your palms down on the floor, directly under your shoulders. Spread your palms and ground your hands, step back into Plank position. Firm both sides of your body and feel one line of energy from your heals up through the crown of your head. If holding Plank is already enough exertion, hold Plank for five breaths. If Plank is sustainable for you, engage your thighs strongly and flip onto the tops of your feet. Inhale, lift one leg parallel to the floor, exhale, curl your knee in towards your forehead. Round your entire spine and keep your shoulders directly over your wrists. Inhale, extend the curled in leg back like you are pushing through concrete, exhale curl the knee in. Repeat three times slowly, then change legs. After you've completed the cycle, lower all the way down onto your abdomen, pillow your hands under your forehead and rest for three nourishing breaths.

3. Salabhasana: Locust Pose 
 From the prone position, interlace your fingers behind your back. Squeeze your legs together. Exhale, gently root your pubic bone down and seal your low belly back. Inhale, simultaneously lift your arms up and back, and arch your head, chest, and legs away from the floor. Engage the entire length of your back body. Keep your eyes soft and gaze down the tip of the nose (not crosseyed, but gently down towards the earth), be mindful to keep your neck extended even though your gaze is down. Hold for five breaths. Release down on the fifth exhalation.  Pillow your hands under your forehead, rest for three slow breaths, repeat one more round.

4. Adho Mukha Svanasana: Downward Facing Dog Pose
 From the prone position, place your hands under your shoulders, inhale, press up and back onto all fours. Spread your palms open and root the base of your palms, fingers and fingertips. Curl your toes under. Rock your hips back towards your heels, exhale, lift up and back one vertebrae at a time and slowly roll your spine into Down Dog. Lengthen your spine up and back, and slowly begin to straighten your legs. Ground the center of your heels. Firm the triceps (back of upper arm), and roll the elbow points out and down, until the inner elbows point towards eachother. Slide your shoulder blades towards your pelvis and actively spread them across your back. Recoil energy from the earth up from your hands and feet by rooting them down. Breathe deeply into the solar plexus region, allowing it to rise and fall, but be sure to keep the low abdomen drawn in and back towards the spine. Let the firey energy of the last three postures mellow and soften. Hold for five breaths up to two minutes.

5. Lolasana: Scales Pose
 From Down Dog, inhale, lift your heels, exhale, bend your knees, gaze between your hands, inhale, lightly float your body forward, as you lift off, curl your knees into your chest, and land the tops of your feet (toenail side), on the floor a few inches behind your hands. Keep your knees and shins off of the floor, keeping 99% of your weight in your hands, 1% in the tops of the feet.  Cross one ankle over the other. Round your spine powerfully and engage your core. Keep your neck gently extended. Seal your abdomen back towards your spine. Squeeze your bottom ankle up into your top ankle and press your top ankle down with equal pressure. Without hopping, attempt to lift your feet away from the floor. You might not be able to lift up if you haven't practiced this extensively, continue to hold the pose regardless as it will assist you in developing the strength to one day hover your entire body between your arms.  Hold for five breaths. Release on your fifth exhalation onto your knees into Thunderbolt Pose and rest for one slow breath. Repeat one to two more times. On the last repetition of Lolasana, keep your weight in your hands, gently step or float back into Four Limbed Staff Pose, followed by Up Dog, then glide back into Down Dog.

6. Parivritta Parsvakonasana: Revolved Side Angle Pose
 From Down Dog, inhale, stretch your left leg up and back into Three Legged Dog, exhale, curl the knee in towards the abdomen, roll onto the fingertips, and lightly place the left foot between the hands. Lower your back knee down. Bring your hands onto your hips, and rock your hips back and up so they are squared directly over your back knee. Pull the front of your ribcage in towards your back ribs, and reach your right arm up. Inhale, lengthen your spine from your right knee up through your right pinky finger. Exhale, twist to the left, hook your right upper arm onto your left outer thigh. Press your arm and thigh together and spin your left shoulder and ribs open towards the ceiling. Fold your palms into prayer position at the center of your chest. Gaze up over your left shoulder. Align the head with the tailbone. If your balance feels stable, inhale, lift your back knee off of the floor by pressing through the ball of your back foot and simultaneously reaching the front knee forward. Feel free to bind your arms under the front leg if that range of motion is available. Inhale lengthen the spine, exhale, engage your core and twist. Stay in the pose and flow into #7. from here.

7. Parsva Bakasana: Revolved Crane Pose
  From Revolved Side Angle, with the left leg forward, remain in the twist, palms in prayer position. Gaze down and off to the left side of your mat. Fix your eyes steadily on the floor. Inhale, step your back leg forward, directly in line with your front leg (both knees are bent). You are now in Side Fierce Pose, (Parsva Utkatasana). Remember to keep your knees bent, and remain in the twist! Exhale, slowly squat about half way down onto the balls of your feet. Keep your right arm strongly hooked onto your left outer thigh. Place your hands off to the left of your body, fingers pointing straight forward. Shift your weight into your hands, bend your elbows as your lean your shoulders forward of your wrists, and lift your feet off of the floor. Gaze one foot forward of your hands down the tip of your nose towards the Earth.  Hold for five steady breaths. To exit, either unwind, fold forward in Standing Forward Fold, Uttanasana, and then step back through a Vinyasa, or hug your left arm into your side ribs, exhale jump back into Chaturanga by quickly unwinding your legs and torso. Rest in Down Dog for a few breaths. Repeat the sequence from #6-#7, leading with the right leg.

8. Salamba Sirsasana: Supported Headstand
 From Down Dog, exhale, lower down onto all fours, place your forearms down, elbows shoulder width distance apart and interlace your fingers. Place your head on the floor between interlaced palms so the weight is resting just slightly forward towards your forehead from the crown of your head. Inhale, lift your knees off of the floor and straighten your knees. Walk your feet in until your hips stack directly over your shoulders. Ground your elbows, forearms, and wrists so they take the majority of your weight. Engage your low belly and pelvic floor to promote levity. Inhale, curl your thighs into your torso and lift your feet off the floor. Keep your legs squeezing together and slowly reach your bent knees straight up so your feet point down and back behind you. Feel one line of energy from the crown of your head up through bent knees. Straighten your legs by strongly engaging the tops of your thighs. Thoroughly firm both sides of your body and elongate upwardly by rooting your bases down. Gaze at the horizon with soft eyes. Hold for 5 breaths up to a five minutes if you are comfortable in the posture. Use a wall if you feel shaky about balance. If in doubt about whether you are safe to do a headstand, work with an experienced teacher first then approach it on your own. To release out of the posture, attempt to reverse your movements and rest in Child's Pose for one minute. Lift up and back into Down Dog.

9. Bhujangasana: Cobra Pose 
 From Down Dog, inhale roll forward into Plank, exhale lower down onto your abdomen. Place your hands a few inches behind your shoulders and root your hands down. Exhale, ground the tops of your feet and pelvis down and draw your low belly back so it lifts off of the floor. Inhale, traction your hands down and slowly arch your spine up and back, away from the floor. Keep a strong gripping action in your hands so you feel as if the pelvis is being tractioned forward (without actually moving). Roll your shoulders back and puff your chest forward and up. Root your sacrum into your body and lightly engage your buttocks. Be sure to press the tops of your feet down continually. Press your shoulder blades into your body towards your heart and lift your breastbone up. Tip your head back keeping your tongue at the roof of your mouth. Gaze slightly forward and down. Hold for 5 breaths. To release, exhale roll down one vertebrae at a time. Option to repeat one or two more times before moving on to #10.

10. Dhanurasana: Bow Pose
 From a prone position, prop yourself up on your forearms into Sphinx position. Gently stretch each leg back a little bit more to even out your pelvis on the floor. Inhale, bend your knees, reach back and catch your outer ankles. Keeping your ankles in hand, roll your upper body down so your forehead rests on the floor. Exhale, root your pubic bone down and seal your low abdomen back. Inhale, kick your feet into your hands and simultaneously arch your head, chest, and knees away from the floor. Keep your pelvic floor actively engaged. Kick your legs back into your hands, and lift your chest up so your breastbone is parallel to the wall in front of you. Bring your shins parallel to the wall behind you and arch your upper back deeper. Balance on your solar plexus region, and allow your breath to be as even as possible. Hold for five steady breaths. Roll down on your fifth exhalation. Pillow your hands under your forehead, rest for a few slow even breaths, repeat one to two more times. After your last round, press up and back into Down Dog. Send your breath into your solar plexus region.

11. Salamba Sarvangasana: Supported Shoulderstand
From Down Dog, step or jump through to seated and recline onto your back. Bring your legs together. Gently tuck your shoulders underneath you and open your chest. Press your palms down alongside your hips and seal your low belly back towards your spine. Keep your head straight for the entire duration of this posture! Inhale, squeeze your legs together and lift them straight up so your feet point towards the ceiling. Exhale, press your hands down and roll your hips and torso off of the floor so your body is balanced on your shoulder blades and the back of your head. Place your hands on your rib cage and find your balance. Once you are stable, one shoulder at a time, roll your upper arms underneath you and walk your elbows in so they are shoulder width distance (bringing your hands closer to your shoulder blades). Press the back of your head and shoulder blades down into the floor and from this action, arc the base of your neck away from the floor. If you are unable to lift the base of your neck away from the floor, perform this posture on 2 or 3 folded blankets, resting your trunk on blankets, and the back of your head on the floor itself. Gaze at your abdomen softly. Hold for 30 seconds up to a few minutes if you are comfortable. Optional: After holding the posture you may come into Halasana, Plough Pose, by hinging at your hips and lowering the tops of your feet to the floor behind your head. To release, bring your palms down on the floor and roll out as slowly as possible, keep your head firmly pressing down until you roll all the way down to supine position. Rest and absorb the cooling benefits.

12. Uttana Padasana: Intense Leg Stretch Pose
From a supine position, press your palms and forearms down strongly, inhale arch your upper back, puff your chest up,  and place the crown of your head on the floor. If that feels comfortable on your neck, keep your head in position, squeeze your legs together and lift them up at a 45 degree angle to the floor. Once that position is established, reach your arms up, press your palms together and aim your arms up at a 45 degree angle as well. Keep your core engaged and send your breath into your side ribs. Hold for 5 breaths gazing down the tip of the nose. To release, place you palms down again, continue to keep your legs up, and release your head down onto the floor. Curl your knees into your chest and soften. Take Savasana, Corpse Pose, and enjoy the benefits of your practice.

Overcoming Limitation: That Which Needs No Definition

The other day I was accused of not being in alignment with yogic philosophies after channeling a dharma talk about overcoming duality. I was approached in a way as if I should be ashamed for what I had said. It really got me thinking about the constant web of illusion the mind attempts to ensnare one in on at any given moment. The illusion that there is a "right way" and a "wrong way" to be. It really got me thinking about the indoctrination of guilt.
Guilt is an emotion that can stifle the creative energy of a human being. Guilt is crushing to the individual, as it can be translated that if one is different, they should feel guilty. If one is expressing their truth and it is not in line with the widely accepted truth of the mass indoctrination, they should feel guilty. It is quite suitable that guilt and moral obligation seem to be the negative undercurrent of all religious dogmas.
As a teenager, I began to perceive my own emotional turmoil around feeling unworthy. I noticed how often I cut myself down. How often I felt unworthy of being successful and would oftentimes sabotage myself. I noticed how terrified I was to express myself or stand up for myself if I incurred an injustice.
I sought to define myself through certain identities as a way to protect myself from feeling vulnerable and also to justify my worthiness for existing. I identified myself as an artist, a healer, a yogi, a vegan, a traveller....
I recognized after some time that I, as well as my ancestors and probably their ancestors too, have been programmed to feel guilty for even being born in the first place. This creates a need to justify one's existence to feel worthy. This concept serves societal order. It serves falling in line with the status quo and living a mundane life. The very idea that "I am..." fill in the blank, leads to having to conform to those thoughts.
 If one feels "useful," then they are "worthy." From childhood, we are taught to be consistent with our behavior, our beliefs, and our gender, and to uphold these standards through our actions. We are told to stay within the framework of all of the labels given to us. "Ladies have manners," and "Boys don't cry,"are just the tip of the iceberg. From a young age, belief systems are imposed upon us, not intentionally usually, but because this is how things have been for generations. It's called conditioning.
Oftentimes, this conditioning goes without question long into adulthood....we stick to our beliefs and definitions of ourselves like glue, lest we be labelled a hypocrite.
Well, I call bullshit.
"Be consistently inconsistent." OSHO
The moment we label something, we have to maintain that reality. This can lead to forcing a facade of being a certain way, long after that energy is no longer serving our highest good. This creates a disconnect within ourselves and can lead to a lot of suppression of what is naturally arising in the present moment.
For example, I was a vegan for many consecutive years. I wore the identity proudly, and would often criticize others who did not eat a plant based diet. I felt I did good when educating people about the reality of animal cruelty and although it did shed some awareness and help some people, it also isolated me from many of the people closest to me. I wasn't portraying the information in a loving way and the more I would argue my points, the more I entrapped myself into sticking to my opinions as the only right way to be. Then came a time when I started to faint, and became very weak. I tried everything to help myself, and eventually the only thing that helped me was eating some animal protein. I had to abandon the egoic identity of being a vegan to maintain my health and vitality. I felt like a hypocrite.
The moment we label something, we limit it. If I call myself a yogini, I am held to maintaining that image to myself and the world. Due to the reality of human experience and the vast array of emotions that can play out in a lifetime, I may not always uphold this title in a way that is exemplary. Therefore I prefer to not call myself a yogini, nor be called a yogini by others. Rather I attempt to adhere to the science of yoga in a way that is nourishing and allows me to blossom as a compassionate being. No need to proclaim something that may not always be true, maybe today I'm a yogini but tomorrow I'm too lazy to practice? Am I a failure because I didn't do my pranayama? Am I failure because I didn't adhere to the ethical rules perfectly?
To expect consistency in ourselves and others seems to be a reasonable request, but if examined a little bit deeper, one can see how it can create undue pressure on ourselves and the ones we love to fulfill expectations. For example, it's like being in love. For many years two people may be deeply in love, if that truth changes for one of them, it is their right to express this shift and implement a change in the relationship. If the person experiencing this change does not embrace this shift because they are holding themselves to always being consistent, they may stay in the relationship for years to come, long after they are ready to move on. This is not only stifling to the individual experiencing a change of heart, but also dishonest with the other person. To say be consistently inconsistent is much like saying- be free to be who you are every single day, and know that who you are today very well may not be who you are tomorrow.
Each day there is an opportunity to change our mind about how we feel. There is an opportunity to shift our perspective and shed old belief patterns. To give ourselves this freedom also implies that we have the same compassion and acceptance of this truth for others as well.
It is a natural human tendency to want to categorize ourselves and others, but perhaps it is something that we can all ideally overcome. A good analogy for this is looking at the night sky. If you look at it from the inside of a box, with only a little peep hole to look out of, you will have a narrow perspective and will only see a small portion of the stars. If you look at the sky from a wide open field, your perspective will be expansive and you can see the full spectrum of stars.
"The barn burnt down, now I can see the moon!" Unknown
Every time we seek to identify ourselves through external circumstances, we are building a box around us. One that does not leave us much room to grow. Just look at house plants. As they grow, the pot they were once in will eventually become too small. If the plant is transplanted into a larger pot, it will continue to flourish and grow. If it is left in the pot that is too small, it's life force begins to wane, and eventually it may die, for what purpose is there in life if one's growth is being blocked by a rigid container?
The rigid container is all of the ways one may seek to identify themselves through strong opinions, labels, and accomplishments.
"Nothing fails like success." OSHO
If our self worth is only based on perceived success, we will surely suffer if that success falls away one day. If our self worth is only based on being "good" at external pursuits, we will surely suffer if one day we are no longer able to perform those actions. Anything that must be maintained can become a source of striving, and striving often times leads to suffering.
The moment we open our hearts to the idea that we are worthy and perfect because we exist in the first place, we become capable of dropping the need to proclaim our identity or maintain a certain image. We become open to accepting the idea that all of life is unfolding in utter perfection, the proof is in the fact that it exists at all. This can lead to liberation from all need to justify why one is "good enough" which inevitably allows for a deeper level of self acceptance of all aspects of experience.
To let go of labels, leads to freedom to be "who" we are in the present moment, without clinging to the past or pushing towards the future. We can arrive fully in the present moment and enjoy what is arising, without trying to change it. Even if a negative feeling arises, we can ride the waves without drowning in them, or pushing the feeling away because it doesn't fit with the image that has been constructed of ourselves. When we allow what is arising to be expressed through feeling fully, that which doesn't serve our highest good can fall away easily, no need for the guilt or pressure to always be the same person the world perceives us as.
As we learn to hold this space for ourselves, this acceptance then starts to occur with all of life. This provides fertile ground within one's heart for compassion to bloom. As we cultivate compassionate acceptance, a deep peace arises. This is the peace that will end all wars. This is the peace that will allow each person to feel love as the backbone to all of life. It starts with our relationship to ourselves, as we are, in this moment, no labels needed.